That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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