Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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