M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
