My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
