there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
third nipple confirmed
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This can only be settled by a dance off.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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