google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
