Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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