just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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