i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Text me some of your sweat
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
