I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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