so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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