great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
