We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
