What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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