her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
