took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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