i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
