Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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