Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
