Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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