and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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