Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Reggie can tackle my bush.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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