It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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