yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
