no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
