why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
