I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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