how can u be prego again
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
