I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
