i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize