U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
