There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
