I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
