when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
