when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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