She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
