i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
