Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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