remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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