He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
