I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
