I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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