i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
