Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
