it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
