The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
