omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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