It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
