I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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