Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
