he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
