Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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