So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
