I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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