I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
