Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
