she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
