I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
