its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
