24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
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He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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