OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
