I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
