My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
