omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
