my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
