My nipple is on Facebook.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
